i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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