do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
