I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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