So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
