Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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