Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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