Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
