Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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