Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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