I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
