need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize