we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
