everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
