How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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