Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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