Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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