I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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