we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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