I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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