Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize