Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
