Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
