Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
