who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
