Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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