i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
