i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did i walk over a car last night?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
