He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My vagina is officially offended.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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