When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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