im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
