Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
