just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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