Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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