hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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