Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize