My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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