i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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