So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
