I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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