This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Pants are for mortals
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
