you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
