Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize