I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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