If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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