you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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