She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
