I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
