his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I lost the right to judge tonight
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
