Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
