I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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