Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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