I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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