I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
