I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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