wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
