there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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