they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
