i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
