I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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