Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
