I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
