Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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