How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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