Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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