She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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