You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
