I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
