is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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