I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize