Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize