all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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