After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
