i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
