I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
