I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
