end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize