It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
