She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
