I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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