do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize