The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
