So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
