please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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