White coat. Heels.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Bring me that man meat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
