You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
