well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
