I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
