Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
