M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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