If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
