I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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