proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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