You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
please don't ironically join a cult
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