He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
