there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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