all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
