you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize