Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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