This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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