so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
