yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
