It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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