u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
