Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
