i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
