So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
