i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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