I got chris browned last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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