I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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