Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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