we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
