I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
