What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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