You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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