have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
