never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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